Why is the subject of our kids leaving the church such a hard thing to speak about?
This is a question I often ask when I lead seminars. When we look around our congregations, the subject of kids leaving the faith is often hard to speak about, especially for parents. Parents often do not want to admit the deep pain and hurt that they experience daily for fear of judgment on their parenting skills. Pastors or church workers especially worry about what members of the congregation would think if they only knew—after all, they are supposed to be the leaders and have it all together. But really, have we ever seen a perfect family? When we look at accounts in the Bible, we do not have any examples of perfection except through the life of Jesus Christ.
So what are some responses from parents? I would like to share a few:
“I think it is so hard because as parents we believe we have failed. We wonder what we could have done or should have done. It is hard to admit this and scary to think that our kids might not go to heaven and that we are somehow responsible.” — Mother of a prodigal
“We tend to feel ashamed to admit that our children have left the church and we in some way have failed to ground them in the faith. When we confront these realities and confess our failures, our Lord forgives us, motivates us to pray for them and ourselves, and enables us to stay in touch with them, to love them and possibly restore them to God’s people.” — Father of a prodigal
“There is a growing movement that encourages children to choose estrangement from their parents in addition to leaving the church. This is so dangerous. We need to rally together as parents and loved ones to pray for them. It is time to take courage from God’s Word and presence with us to reclaim our children’s hearts for Christ.” — Parents of a prodigal
When children have left the church and faith in Jesus Christ, parents often find themselves feeling isolated and alone. The feelings of guilt and shame can become overwhelming as they wonder what they did wrong, could have done better, or failed to do. The end result makes parents feel as though they are living alone with this burden.
Faith Family Reunion encourages congregations to pull together like-minded parents that share similar stories to find they are not alone on this road. One way we do this is through seminars where we address questions geared toward parents, such as:
- Are you a parent whose children have left the church?
- Why is the subject of our kids leaving the church such a hard thing to speak about?
- What are some of the feelings you experience as a parent? What are some of the common feelings that parents experience?
- How has this experience changed you? Has it affected your faith?
- Do you know why your kids left the church? If not, why not ask them? We want to encourage you to inquire once you feel comfortable doing so.
Who Is Behind Faith Family Reunion?
We are a family much like yours—a prodigal daughter returned to faith in Jesus Christ, her father, a retired LCMS pastor who has since gone home to the Lord, and her dear, loving mother, all with hearts for the hurting parents and their prodigal.
During retreats, we provide a warm, comfortable, loving, and non-threatening environment where you might feel the freedom to express yourself. Our hope is that this time together can break down the walls of shame and secrecy. We hope to create a community within the church family where one feels safe to open up and begin the conversation with others. We do not tell you what to do or what you could have done better, but rather we offer you a time where you can hear from a prodigal that has returned to the faith, and be surrounded by other parents going through similar situations in life and perhaps also learning to be more comfortable with your prodigal to interact with them more freely and openly.
Faith Family Reunion’s goal is to have you leave with hope inspired by the Holy Spirit, realizing that you are not alone, and maybe even form new friendships.
Upcoming Event
The Michigan District is partnering with Faith Family Reunion to offer a retreat on “Letting Go | Let’s Talk About It.” The retreat, co-hosted by Lutheran Church of the Lakes, Addison and Redeemer, Jackson, will take place in Addison on Saturday, March 7. For more information on Faith Family Reunion and what they can do for church leaders, click here.
Photo © Matt Vasquez/Lightstock
